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Norma's Guidelines for Good Health
Finding Forgiveness
I found an interesting article in the January Mayo Clinic Health Source entitled "Finding Forgiveness- A Path to Better Well-being" and would like to share some excerpts with you. I believe most of us know that harboring negative thoughts and feelings may influence our psychological and physical well being. Learning to forgive is a healthier choice, but how do we go about doing that? Forgiveness researcher Robert Enright, Ph.D., suggests that you prepare yourself for the forgiveness process by asking yourself some questions and writing the answers in a journal.
* Who hurt you? * How badly are you hurt?
* Which situation will be your focus ? * What are the specifics?
* Who was at fault? * Was the person truly unfair to you?
If you are able to forgive, then you can choose to begin the healing process. Holding a grudge appears to affect your cardiovascular and nervous systems. In one study, people who focused on a personal grudge experienced elevated blood pressure and heart rates, as well as increased muscle tension and feelings of being less in control. When they were asked to imagine forgiving the person who had hurt them, these changes dissipated and the participants said they felt more positive and more relaxed. Another study found a link between forgiveness and health problems. People in the study who were less forgiving had more physical symptoms of illness and more medically diagnosed chronic conditions, compared to people who were more forgiving. Other studies have found that forgiveness can be learned. Forgiveness isn't forgetting, denying, condoning, or excusing what happened. It is an honest acknowledgment that you were hurt, and then letting go along with the burden of anger and resentment. It is refusing to let the negative feelings consume you. Forgiveness doesn't always mean you settle differences and reconcile with the person who wronged you. You may or may not want to do that. It is not necessary to "make nice" or "smooth things over." The important thing is the internal effect forgiveness has on you.
How to forgive: There seems to be four common steps in the several different methods learned to forgive somebody. 1. You acknowledge how much pain and anger you feel as the result of someone else's actions against you. Be honest. 2. Recognize something has to change if you want to heal. 3. Find a new way to think about the person who hurt you. For example, what may have been going on in that person's life when they hurt you? 4. You begin to experience the emotional relief that forgiveness can grant you. This may also include increased compassion for those who have been similarly hurt, an increased awareness that you are not alone in your suffering.
As you go through the process, it may help to confide in someone who will support you. A friend, therapist, or advisor (spiritual or otherwise) can help you sort through your feelings, and keep you on track toward forgiveness and ultimately a greater well being.
Norma Pitzer, R.N.
Former Parish Nurse
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